You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
