I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just gargled with NyQuil
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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