He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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