I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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