i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
