We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sarcasm needs its own font
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
