ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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