he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
