I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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