I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize