the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
