dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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