your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
