Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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