You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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