He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
