she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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