God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
