ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
