Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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