Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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