It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
