Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
