just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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