yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
