Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize