I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
