i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
