His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
