Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
