I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
