Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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