When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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