Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
