I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
