So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
