Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
