Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
