Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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