So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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