that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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