Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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