careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
