Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
