Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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