i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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