Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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