Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
