Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
