All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
