the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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