I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
