Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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