I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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