Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
