Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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