He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize