All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
