My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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