My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
