i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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