He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
