i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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