Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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