Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
