U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
