I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Randomize
