He asked to "fluff my boner.."
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
