i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
