I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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