I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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