I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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