just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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