I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
