But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
