I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
