I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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