she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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