Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
