And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
