On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
