I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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